作者：李岘
笑谈二：怎么催都催不来的回执信
Anecdote Two: Why is it so hard to send back the invitation receipt (RSVP)
每个人都会对婚礼有所期待，特别是女人。即使人到中年，儿子都已到了结婚的年龄，我还是难舍白雪公主与白马王子的少女情结，希望婚礼能够尽善尽美。可是尽管我在美国生活了二十年，也参加了几次西式婚礼，然而真要按照西方人的习俗筹划一个婚礼还真的有些无所适从。当时还是未婚夫的先生是第三代德裔美国人，他坚持说按照美国的习俗男方不应该介入婚礼的安排，否则就是对女方的不尊重。既然他尊重我的审美观，我便将婚礼的主色调定为红色和金色，并借中国之行选择了一批绝对称得上中国民俗的邀请卡，将东方要素“中国红”渗入到西式婚礼之中！
Women always have high expectations for the wedding. Even into my middle age, with a son at the age of marriage, I still have the dream of Snow White and Prince Charming, hoping the wedding to be perfect. But even though I lived in the United States for two decades, and participated in several American weddings, planning a wedding in accordance with the customs of the West, I really did not know what to do. He is a third-generation German American who insisted that in accordance with the customs in the United States, the man should not get involved in the wedding arrangements; otherwise, it is a lack of respect for the woman. Since he respected my decisions, I took the main colors of the wedding as red and gold. By means of a trip to China, I selected the right invitation card that can be mixed with oriental elements. "Chinese Red" Western-style wedding was born!
红色的邀请卡是买到了，可是在中国，再精致的邀请卡也不设回执卡。人家说“我们不兴这个”；可是美国的习俗是非有不可！为了这个小小的环节，我寻遍了中国的两座城市才买到了与邀请函同样颜色和质地的纸张，然后又请专业机构按照我给的尺寸特制了回执信封和烫金卡片。一切就绪，回到美国我就迫不及待地把邀请函寄给了女方嘉宾。
Red invitation cards were ready but the receipt (RSVP) card could not be found. They said, "we don’t have that custom.” However, we must have it according to the U.S. customs! For this little task, I searched in several cities in China, and finally I found these receipt cards with the same color and texture. I then found a professional company to make a special acknowledgment envelope and print the RSVP card in gold. I sent those invitation cards to my friends right away after I came back from China.
提前两个半月？太早了。未婚夫忍不住地向我解释：美国民间约定俗成的时间是提前六个星期寄出，最早也不要超过两个月。寄早了容易忘记；寄晚了又可能已有安排。
“Two and a half months in advance? Too early.” My fiancé could not help explain to me, “The time of American convention is six weeks in advance and no more than two months. If it is sent too early, it is easy to be forgotten; if it is sent too late, people may have their schedules booked.”
哪有那么教条？我早寄就早知道我这边的客人到底有多少人能来！
How can it be so dogmatic? I had to send the invitation cards to my guests to know how many people would come!
由于Clubhouse规定的人数是一百个，多一位也不行，所以我想等第一批邀请函的回执信收到后，再示人数邀请第二批。
The clubhouse’s capacity is only one hundred, and one more does not work. If I get the receipt earlier, then I can think about inviting others if the reply is “regret”.
一个星期过去了，收到三封回执；两个星期过去了，不见什么起色。轮到第四个星期的时候我沉不住气了：他给男方嘉宾寄出的邀请函比我晚寄了两个星期，人家一星期后就收到多数回执，来与不来一目了然；而我的朋友即使在email和电话中明确表示要来，也迟迟不见回执。
A week later, I received three RSVPs. Two weeks later, there was not much improvement. When it turned to the fourth week, I was running out of patience. My fiancé sent his invitations two weeks later than I, yet he received a majority of RSVPs one week later! My friends sent emails or called to confirm to come, but they did not send back the RSVPs!
我开始埋怨他不该将截止日期定在接近婚礼的时候，特别是没有按着我的意思注明No late then August 15 而是写着Please reply by August 15。 我说这就是为什么很多人没有寄回回执信的原因，也许他们理解为要等到八月十五那天才能寄回执信呢。这样离婚礼只有三个星期，再给谁寄邀请函都不够礼貌了。
I began to complain that he was not supposed to give the deadline close to the wedding, especially to indicate “Please reply by August 15” instead of saying “No later than August 15”. I told him that was why many people did not return the RSVP. Maybe they thought they had to wait until the 15th of August to send RSVP. I worried that there would not be enough time to invite more guests if some of them were not able to come.
他给我的理由是：我告诉过你美国的习惯是要在回执信封上贴好邮票，这样收到邀请函的人只需在回执印好的Accept 或者Regret一栏中划个勾就可以寄回来了。可你就是不信！
He said, “I told you the custom in the United States is that you should attach stamps in the receipt envelopes. When people receive the invitations, all they have to do is to check the box and put it back in the mailbox. The stamp tells them that they must do something. But you would not believe it!”
你以为我的朋友会因一张邮票就不寄回执了吗？我的气更是不打一处出。可是心里也责怪自己当时急着发邀请函，在邮票不够用的情况下忽略了这个细节。
Do you think my friends will not send RSVPs just because of a postage stamp? But I did blame myself that I had run in a rush, and ignored the need for the postage stamps.
我再也沉不住气了。截止日期还没到，我就给大家发了一个email要回执。回执信渐渐多了起来，但是还是有一些没有下文。最奇怪的是，在email中信誓旦旦地说要来的人还是迟迟不复。我开始单刀直入：来与不来都请把回执信寄来！
I could no longer contain myself. The deadline has not arrived yet, but I sent an email to everyone about the RSVP: please send the RSVP whether you come or not!
一位外地朋友宁肯写email也还是不寄：为了参加你的婚礼，我将原定开会的日期都推迟到下个星期，我怎么会不去？可千万别把我的名字删掉哇。
A friend in another town preferred to write an email rather then to send the card, “I will have to postpone the date of an original meeting next week in order to attend your wedding. So please save two seats for me.”
我的一位伴娘更是有理：我是伴娘还有不到之理吗？
One of my bridesmaids responded more rationally, “I will be the bridesmaid. Is there any reason that I will not come?”
为了避免向未婚夫解释文化差异，我只好代表口头答复的人在空白回执的“Accept”上划了一个勾，然后放到了所有的回执卡中。
I had to respond on behalf of the oral responses and fill in the RSVP cards by checking the “accept” box.
“唉，我花了那么多的时间制作回执卡，怎么让你们寄回来就那么难？”我对着驱车近一个小时到我家来过中秋节的朋友实话实说。
"Well, I spend a lot of time making RSVP card, why is it so hard for my friends to just return it?” I talked to the people who drove nearly one hour to my house for the Mid-Autumn Festival.
在场的三个人异口同声地说：我们以为收到邀请函并且已经在email中告诉你会来，那还不就可以了嘛。
Three of them responded in one voice, “I told you in the email that we will come. Isn’t it enough?” I responded, “But those people did not say how many people were coming and what their names were!” “Oh! You are right!” Finally they agreed, “We learned another lesson. We shouldn’t look down upon this RSVP card in the future.”
“可是你没说来几个人，叫什么名字啊！”我说。
“But those people did not say how many people were coming and what their names were!” I responded.
“可也是呵。又学了一招儿。下次可不能小瞧这张回执卡了。”朋友们说。
“Oh! You are right!” Finally they agreed, “We learned another lesson. We shouldn’t look down upon this RSVP card in the future. ”
“ 哈哈哈......” 月光下，我们再度开怀大笑。
We laughed so happily on the moon night.
(待续）
注：美国《东西方》杂志2012年12月刊首发
