《笑谈一瞬间》（1）
作者：李岘 （Maria L. Gee-Schweiger)
中秋节的月光就是皎洁，一杯红酒和一块月饼就使临时召集来的几位朋友，在月光下心无芥蒂地谈笑起三个星期前我举办婚礼时的所见所闻。由于先生不在家，几位愿意用母语交流的朋友就任由话题四溢，从饭桌笑到后院儿，最后在十五的月光就要转为十六的月亮时，笑声才在一个严肃的话题上嘎然而止：你应该把这些事儿写出来，这不仅对东西方文化的相互了解有益，更是对新移民来说是一个必备的生活常识。
The moon on the night of Middle-Autumn Day was bright and clear, so I invited a few of my friends for wine and moon cakes at the last minute, and fortunately they all came. We talked in the moonlight about my wedding held three weeks ago. My husband was out that night, so we might as well chat in Chinese, and the hearty-laugh topics went wild, one after another. There was so much to be laughed at that the get-together went on nearly till the midnight, when they suggested to me to write the anecdotes down, not only to promote mutual understandings between the Oriental and Western cultures, but also to serve as life common sense necessary for new Chinese immigrants to America.
一言以蔽之。既然笑谈中的主角儿都不介意，我自然也就不惜笔墨啦。不过，这些笑谈在我筹备婚礼期间，却是一些让我怎么都不会笑的懊恼。
Well, since persons involved are O.K. with it, I am absolutely in. Actually, these anecdotes were indeed troubles during my wedding preparation which nearly made me cry. (Continued from the last periodical)
笑谈一：哪知道新娘还要花钱嫁自己啊
Anecdote one: Do you believe that Brides’ families pay for weddings
订婚戒指戴了一年之后，我才开始张罗起婚礼。原以为经历过人生的大喜大悲，不会再拘泥於婚礼的形式，所以当未婚夫声明不会干涉我的婚礼安排时，我就一厢情愿地要将婚礼安排在他家的后院儿举行——远山近水，足以。
After wearing an engagement ring for a year, I began to plan the wedding. Originally, I thought that we have already been very experienced in life and would not have a formal wedding. But after discussion with my fiancé, we decided to plan for a more formal wedding with our friends. I wishfully thought that we could have the wedding in our beautiful backyard with the mountains in the background and the swimming pool water was sufficient. We both agreed to that plan initially.
未婚夫没有意见，我的朋友们却不干了：他家的后院儿再漂亮，那也是足不出户地就把新娘娶到了家。不行，我们要让他明白有一个地方更适合你。那里的湖比他家的游泳池大多了；湖边的Clubhouse更是典雅气派。
My friends did not agree. “No, we want to make him understand that there is a place more suitable for you. A lake instead of a swimming pool and a lakeside Clubhouse is very elegant”.
盛情难却，第二天我和未婚夫就赶到现场——哇，在清澈的湖水间有两只洁白的天鹅在嬉戏；碧蓝的天空倒映在水里映衬出的岸边亭阁更加恬淡温馨；坐落在湖水之上的Clubhouse的阳台足以容纳百人而绰绰有余；大厅里的雍容典雅会让人流连忘返……在这样一个环境里再谈“简约”显然是“做作”。当我们得知租借这样的地方已排期至九月的时候，我们立刻交了定金。
Accepting their hospitality, my fiancé and I arrived at the scene the next day. Wow, two white swans were playing around in the lake water. The tranquil shore pavilion silhouetted against a blue sky was reflected in the water. A clubhouse above the lake was more than enough to accommodate 100 people. An elegant hall even made our previous simple thoughts seem absurd. When we learned that this place was already rented to September, we paid a deposit immediately.
朋友见我未婚夫出手大方，一切都听凭我的安排，当即就对他多了几分好感。其实他们是不知道啊，按照美国的习俗，女方要承担婚礼上的一切费用，而男方只负责酒水而已。这与我们中华文化可谓相去甚远——女方的价值与矜持表现在夫家是否愿意为你的婚事大操大办 ！
Friends saw that my fiancé generously changed all my arrangements, and immediately they gave him even a better impression than they already had. In fact, they do not know, in accordance with the customs of the United States, the woman is to bear all the costs of the wedding, and the man is responsible only for drinks. This is a far cry from our Chinese culture that the value of the woman's participation in the wedding is matched to her husband's willingness for the marriage and the love for the bride!
这份文化差异可不是那么容易地就能融合。即使我在订婚之后就了解到这一习俗，未婚夫也抢先表态这个习俗是针对年轻人的婚礼，即女方家庭负责这笔开销；至于中年人的婚礼就要示情形而定，一般不再依赖於女方家庭，如果男方愿意，可以与女方共同分担婚礼开销，因此他愿意与我共同分担婚礼的费用。尽管当时我也被“分担”二字所感动，可是筹备婚礼期间的繁琐程序还是会不时地破坏自己的内心平衡：凭什么女方要负责婚礼的筹划？凭什么女方出钱就是天经地义，男方出钱就是通情达理？这要是在中国……
This cultural difference is not so easy to be reconciled. Even though I learned of the custom after the engagement, my fiancé told me that this custom was for the wedding of young couples where the women’s family is responsible for the expense. As for the wedding ceremony for middle-aged, generally they no longer rely on the woman's family. He was willing to share the cost of the wedding, and this made me feel more important. I was moved by his generosity. But during the preparations for the wedding, my inner feelings were broken from time to time: Why is the woman responsible for the planning of the wedding? Why does the woman spend money on a wedding? Why the man’s money is considered generous? If this was in China...
嗨，你怎么不早说！朋友直呼帮了倒忙，我却因婚礼的圆满结束而谈笑风生：现在也不晚。家里有儿子的朋友不用处心积虑地存钱娶儿媳妇了；家里有女儿的人赶紧准备，免得女儿要结婚时措手不及。不过，对于经济富裕的人家来说，女方出钱获得了“话语权”，男方省钱就要学会“省心”。要不然，好莱坞的电影咋有那么多新娘在婚礼的最后时刻落荒而逃呢！
My friends now recognized that they were making me pay more money for the nicer place. Hey, why didn’t you say that earlier! After a successful wedding I was very happy to spend the money for a fun wedding. So if you have daughters you must prepare for this expense. The good news is that you have the major say over what type of wedding you will have. On the other hand, if you have a son you can save on some expense of the wedding but you will also lose your rights to plan the wedding. Otherwise wedding planning will cause many problems for both families, and this helps explain why so many brides change their minds at the last minute in Hollywood movies!
（待续）
注： 美国《东西方》杂志2012年12月刊首发
